


Baby Shark (doo doo doo doo doo doo)

by soufflegirl91



Series: 007 Fest Creations [15]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Sharks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 11:10:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19927126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soufflegirl91/pseuds/soufflegirl91
Summary: Bond kills the bad guy, but is left with a tank full of baby sharks and a plan. Q is not impressed.





	Baby Shark (doo doo doo doo doo doo)

**Author's Note:**

> cross-posted to Tumblr.
> 
> Fills the "shark" prompt on the classic prompt table. 
> 
> I am SO sorry.

“007?” 

“Yes, Q?” 

“Why is there a requisition for a 30 foot fish tank with reinforced glass on my screen? And why is it signed in your name?” 

In his defence, Bond knew it was a bad idea. That isn’t much of a defence, because he did it anyway.

You see, the latest villain du jour, some pillock calling himself The Megalodon, had dragged Bond off to his lair off the Gulf of Mexico. Now, I’m sure you can guess what a villain calling himself The Megalodon would have in his super-secret lair. That’s right, a shark tank. 

After the obligatory self-aggrandizing monologue, during which there were threats to drop 007 into the aforementioned shark tank, and after Bond had cleverly saved the day using the power of his charm and a nifty trick with his Q-designed watch, The Megalodon was dead. No, of course Bond didn’t feed him to the sharks, he would never be so cruel to the poor creatures. 

That still left the question of what to do with the tank full of juvenile mako sharks (even someone with The Megalodon’s wealth couldn’t get a tank of great white sharks unless he wanted too many questions to be asked). Bond couldn’t very well leave them behind to starve to death, and they were used to the tank conditions, so releasing them straight into the ocean probably wasn’t a good plan either. So instead of just high-tailing it out of there, Bond had asked Q for a giant fish tank. Through the official channels, because there was no way he was asking for that over the comms.

Q, apparently, had other ideas. 

Which had led them to this moment.

“Q, mako sharks are an endangered species. You can’t expect me to just leave them here to die.” Bond was wheedling now, he knew. 

"You expect to what, bring them home with you on the plane?” Sometimes Bond found it rather more attractive than he should that Q never gave an inch. Times like now, however, it was just irritating.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Q! Surely you can find some way of transporting them by sea.”

“Then what? In case you hadn’t noticed, 007, a 30 foot fish tank won’t fit in your one bedroom flat in Chelsea.” Bond felt there really was no need for Q to be quite so... logical.

“Well, no, of course not. I thought they might do well to brighten up reception, or something.”

A pause. Pauses never boded well, where Q was concerned.

“Let me get this straight. You want me to arrange transport for half a dozen juvenile sharks so that you can convince M to display them in the entrance hall at MI6?”

“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous.”

“That’s because it _is_ ridiculous, 007. Not to mention the fact that if we put a shark tank in the public entrance, the Daily bloody Mail will get wind of it, and then where would we be? In a parliamentary bloody committee trying to explain why we thought spending taxpayer money on a _shark tank_ was a good idea, that’s where.” 

There really was no disguising it, Q was one hundred percent not on board with Bond’s plan. Bond’s very well thought out plan that he _definitely_ hadn’t thought up impulsively while he was sending the requisition to Q. Damn. Maybe he should have given this more thought. That conk over the head must have given him more of a concussion than he’d realised. 

“Q. Q, surely you aren’t going to leave these poor sharks here to die.” Tugging at Q’s heart strings had to work eventually, right?!

“007, what sort of person do you take me for? Of course I don’t expect you to leave them to starve to death. There’s a local marine conservation team on their way to take possession of the sharks as we speak. They’ll be reintroduced to the wild _as they should be_ , not displayed in a bloody tank. They’ll arrive with the clean up crew in about an hour.”

Oh. Well, then. That made sense. Why hadn’t Bond thought of that? Awkward.

“Thank you, Q. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”

“Because you are running on 48 hours without sleep and a severe concussion, 007. Not to worry, the paperwork you actually managed to submit correctly for once will mysteriously disappear by the time you land at Heathrow.”

Which indeed it did. That portion of the mission transcript also appeared to have been ‘deleted in error’, so all was well that ended well. 

Until Bond got home, and discovered that Q had seemingly broken into his flat to leave behind a huge glass fishtank, complete with fish.

_Keeping real sharks as pets is frowned upon, but bala sharks are a good enough likeness. Don’t worry, I already set up the automatic feeder and gave your cleaner the instructions to refill it. Q._

If Q had also changed Bond’s ringtone to ‘Baby Shark’, well, that was for Q to know and Bond to find out. Preferably in the middle of the night. 


End file.
